I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
