i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
