Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize