If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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