I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I have fence marks all over my body
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
