Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
