Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
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