I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
