My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
