I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize