Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
COCAINE IS GR8
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
