We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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