were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
