he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
