Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
