So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
