I got chris browned last night
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
