Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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