I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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