dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
