hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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