tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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