My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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