I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
