Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
