Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
We got so high we made milksteak
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
