my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize