apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
