Jerry, you need to find god
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
