Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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