Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
