Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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