i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize