Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
