I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
