Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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