Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
