Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
