Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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