it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
