Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
