6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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