I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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