I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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