Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I wear drunk well.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
