Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
