he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
