So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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