if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Randomize