evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
