Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
