Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
