We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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