kristin has been a bad kristin
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
