i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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