8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
