I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
