yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
