don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
