Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
