I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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