I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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