last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
