I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
