I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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