Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
