we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
