Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize