The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
