She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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