I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
how does that bad decision feel?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
